


i kept them with me, babe, i put them with my own

by cissamione



Series: Dreams [2]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 08:26:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17117894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cissamione/pseuds/cissamione
Summary: A companion piece to 'if you can bring your shattered dreams (and i'll bring mine)', wherein Charity and Vanessa don't get married.





	i kept them with me, babe, i put them with my own

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy, and Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays!
> 
> The title is from 'Fairytale of New York' by the Pogues.
> 
> You took my dreams from me,  
> When I first found you,  
> I kept them with me, babe,  
> I put them with my own,  
> Can’t make it all alone,  
> I’ve built my dreams around you

 

“It would be really helpful, babe,” Charity spits the endearment at Vanessa in her anger as she yells down the phone, “If you gave me a  _ bit  _ more warning about your ‘conference’.” She makes quotation marks with her fingers as she paces angrily outside the cellar. “The boys were really excited about seeing that new film, all together! Even Noah was going to come, and Sarah and Jack! Look, forget about it! I’ll tell them plans changed.” Charity hung up before Vanessa had a chance to reply and marched back into the pub. It felt like she and Vanessa had both been so busy lately, with work and family, that they never saw each other, and when they did, their fuses for so short that they inevitably ended up arguing.

Vanessa stayed late at work, finishing paperwork after her argument with Charity. Eventually, there was no more work to do, and she resigned herself to facing Charity, whether she be cold and icy, or raging, Vanessa knew she wouldn’t be in a good mood, but she wanted to kiss the boys good night. She always wanted to go home to Charity and the boys, even when they argued, or felt like they couldn’t stand the sight of each other. She shrugged her winter coat on and buttoned it up, yanking her wooly hat down over her ears as she locked the door behind herself and set off towards home.

The Woolpack was a bright light in the at the end of the street. Friday nights were always busy, Charity would be working, and probably scaring off punters with her moods if Vanessa knew her at all. She was digging for her key in her pocket as she neared the pub when a hand caught her arm. “Ness?” A familiar voice asked, full of uncertainty and curiosity.

Vanessa shook her arm free and stepped back, peering into the winter darkness at the face beneath the hood. “Kirin?” Beneath the beard, she recognised his face as she stepped back again. “What do you want? You can’t be here!”

“I want to see my son, Ness. I’ve missed so much, and I’d rather be here, near him, than in Brazil.” Kirin matched her step back with a step forwards, and Vanessa noticed how much muscle he had put on since they had last seen each other.

“You can’t! Kirin, you ran Tess over, you’ll be arrested, and Paddy’ll flip if he sees you here, Christ, half the village will! You left, you told me you didn’t love him, you didn’t even leave a letter for him and now you want to know him? It’s too late, Kirin.” Vanessa shouted as she turned to go but Kirin grabbed her arm again, his grip just on the wrong side of tight, painful through her coat. He pulled her close, forcing her to look up at his looming face.

“I want to see him.” He growled, and Vanessa could smell alcohol on his breath. She tried to wriggle free of his grip, but she bumped into one of the pub’s picnic tables behind her, and there was nowhere to go.

“Oi! Get your filthy hands off her!” Charity ran out of the pub and her right hook sent Kirin stumbling to the ground, and she pulled Vanessa away, running her hands up and down the vet’s arms frantically, checking if she was hurt. “You okay babe? Are you alright?”

“What’s it to you, eh? Kirin was standing up again, and Charity pushed Vanessa behind her protectively. The blonde vet could see a crowd forming in front of the pub as everyone heard the commotion, and came to look. Standing at the front was Noah, with Moses and Johnny.

“She’s my girlfriend.” Charity snarled as she drew back for another punch.

“Charity!” Vanessa leapt forward and grabbed Charity around the waist tightly. “Don’t, he’s not worth it. The boys are watching.” She felt Charity deflate as she turned and saw their children watching.

“Gone a bit soft, eh Charity?” Kirin mocked her and Charity growled as Kirin’s voice turned soft and he looked past her to Johnny. “Is that my boy? C’mere, Johnny.” Kirin squatted down and held out a hand to Johnny, who looked up at Noah.

“Stay where you are, Johnnybobs. Noah, take the boys inside please, babe.” Charity said without turning around, keeping her predatory eyes on Kirin, who rose back to his full height as Noah led Johnny and Moses back inside the pub. His face was furious as he looked back at Charity. “You might wanna leave before someone who you really upset shows up.” Charity warned.

There was a clatter of heels from the doorway, and some grumbling as Chas pushed through the crowd, following Paddy. “You’ve got nerve, showing your face here!” Paddy said angrily, Chas pulling on his arm, trying to get him to turn around.

“Paddy, don’t.” Chas pleaded with him.

“No, Paddy, do.” Charity said with a gleeful smirk. She had never thought that she and Paddy would agree this much on something, but she couldn’t wait to see Paddy knock the cocky young man about.

“Charity!” Vanessa chastised from behind her, and she caught Chas’s glare from the corner of her eye.

Chas put her hand up to Paddy’s face and turned it so that she could meet his eyes. “Love, don’t. I know what he did, but don’t bother with him. Show him you’re better than he is.” Paddy nodded slowly, his big frame relaxing ever so slightly.

“Oh, Paddy.” Charity sighed. “What a wasted opportunity. Why are you even here?” She glared at Kirin, who annoyingly didn’t shrink back.

“I’m here for my son.” Kirin answered, and Charity rolled her eyes.

“He’s not your son. You’ve no right to him! Where were you when he’s had chicken pox? Or when Vanessa were in hospital with a bloody knife wound? Not here, that’s where! You left them, and they don’t need you!” Charity yelled, jabbing her finger as Vanesa held her back.

“Charity.” Vanessa pressed her face against Charity’s shoulder. “Leave it. He’ll be gone soon enough. We can discuss it in the morning.” She said softly, her hands rubbing small circles on Charity’s taut stomach. 

“If she didn’t want me not to, I’d have knocked your lights out by now, kid, so scarper!” If looks could kill, Charity’s would’ve struck Kirin stone dead, and Vanessa’s arms were the only thing preventing her from making that a reality.

Kirin looked past Charity to Vanessa. “I’ll be in the caf tomorrow morning, we can talk about it, civilly.” Vanessa nodded silently, she didn’t even know what she wanted, what she thought was best, it seemed like all of a sudden, everything was up in the air.

“And your barred from my pub!” Charity hollered after Kirin’s retreating back. She could feel Vanessa still holding her tight, her face pressed against her back as she breathed deep. “Ness, babe, you can let me go now.”

“I know.” Vanessa whispered back but she didn’t let go. Charity turned around and wrapped her arms around Vanessa’s shoulders, burying her face in the vet’s hair and closing her eyes. “I don’t know what to do, Charity.” Vanessa said, her voice cracking.

“We’ll go inside and put our boys to bed, then we’ll have a brew and talk about it.” Charity replied. Inside, she was freaking out, this could be the point when Vanessa walks away from her, with Johnny, but she knew that this was her opportunity to be as strong for Vanessa as the vet had been for her over the years. So she straightened her shoulders and led Vanessa inside, trusting that Chas would have the bar covered.

Both Moses and Johnny went to bed quietly, an unusual occurrence for the two five-year-olds, and both Vanessa and Charity were grateful. Noah had disappeared into his room, and so Vanessa and Charity were left alone in the back room.

“How about that brew then, eh babe?” Charity said lightly as she passed Vanessa on the sofa, her hand drifting along the vet’s shoulders.

“Yes please.” Vanessa said quietly, and after a moment, she followed Charity to the kitchen, leaning on the bench while Charity made their tea. “I don’t know what to do.” She repeated, and Charity reached over and squeezed her hand.

“Besides what I think, what are your options, Ness?” The blonde could see that Charity was trying incredibly hard to help her talk through the issue, to not be hot headed, and to be the support system that Vanessa needed, and she loved Charity for that.

“I guess, let Kirin see Johnny, or tell him to do one. I do think, theoretically, that Johnny should see his father. Moses sees Ross, and soon enough he’ll will start askin’ about it, who his father is, and where he comes from.” Vanessa kept talking without any prompting from Charity, taking her mug and curling up against one arm of the sofa. Charity mirrored her, their toes touching in the middle. “But on the other hand, I’m still so angry at him! He insisted that he didn’t want anything to do with us, he wouldn’t even leave a letter explainin’ it for Johnny, and now he thinks he can waltz back in, and I’ll let Johnny spend every other week with him or somethin’!”

Charity laid her hand in what she hoped was a calming way on Vanessa’s knee. “Maybe, and you know it kills me to say this because I think a hitman is a viable option here, but maybe you let Kirin visit with Johnny only while you’re there, and see if they hit it off? Maybe they’ll end up not standing each other, and all this fuss’ll be for nothing? You know what our Johnny’s like, quiet as a mouse.

Vanessa began to nod slowly. “Yeah, that could work.” She flashed a grateful smile at her girlfriend. “Supervised visits for a couple hours a week, and we can see how it goes.” Vanessa shifted so that she was snuggling up to Charity. “Will you come with me tomorrow? To the caf?”

“Of course, if you want me there, babe.” Charity kissed Vanessa’s head softly. “I love you, Ness,” she murmured, “and Johnny does too. He’s always gonna be your kid, alright?”

“I always want you there, Charity, I love you. And I know. It’s just hard not to feel insecure when a sparkly new parent pops up for him.”

“The boy adores you, babe, and so does Moses. You’re a fantastic mum, no matter what, okay?” Charity said forcefully, but kindly. She just wanted Vanessa to know how much the boys looked up to her. To them, she was practically a superhero, saving little animal lives everyday.

“Okay.”

***

When Vanessa and Charity arrived at the cafe, hand in hand, they were greeted by Brenda’s sympathetic smile, and her nod to Kirin, who was sitting on the sofa on his own, on the receiving end of more than a few dirty looks. “Ness!” He stood up with a smile, and Vanessa returned it with a frosty look as they sat down opposite him. “Where’s Johnny? What’s she doing here?” He tipped his chin rudely towards Charity, who narrowed her eyes at him.

“Despite what you might think, I’m not just going to give him to you.” Vanessa said. She already felt like she was falling back to defensive, but Charity’s gentle squeeze of her hand reminded her she had back up. “We have to talk about this, and a five-year-old isn’t exactly conducive to a productive conversation. And Charity’s here because she is my partner, and she is Johnny’s mother.” Vanessa glanced over at Charity, who’s green eyes were swelling with emotion as she gave the vet a tender smile, and a soft hand squeeze. Vanessa knew what charity was saying without words. Thank you, I love you, I love him, I will be a good mother to him, I promise.

“What do you mean? I have rights! She doesn’t!” Kirin’s voice lifted as he complained.

Vanessa shook her head. “Not legally, you don’t have any rights. Adam was the one on Johnny’s birth certificate, and I got him taken off it years ago. I’m the only one with parental rights, and if something happens to me, then he goes with Charity or my Dad because they are the people I trust with my son’s life. You only get what I decide to give you, and you haven’t earned anything yet.”

Kirin glared at her like he was going to argue, but the only possible way of changing that was to go through the courts, and Kirin was wanted by the police for Tess’s hit and run. “Ness, please. I want to see him, he deserves to know his father.” Kirin changed tack from demanding to grovelling.

“As it happens, I agree.” Vanessa said with a sigh. “He does deserve to know where he comes from. I did love you once, and Johnny is entitled to know his history, and his family, on all sides.” She held up her hand when Kirin began to speak. “So we’ve decided you can have weekly visits with him, supervised by someone I choose, in places I choose. If he takes to you, and you’re good for him, we can discuss it further.”

Kirin was about to reply when the door opened and the police came through. His nostrils flared and his eyes widened, Vanessa could see the panic on his face. “Kirin Kotecha? I’m Police Constable Swirling.”

“I wasn’t bothering them, we were talking.” Kirin said quickly, but Swirling shook his head.

“We’re arresting you in relation to the death of Tess Harris. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.” Swirling pulled Kirin up and handcuffed him. As he led him out of the cafe, he shot a look at Charity, who rolled her eyes at him.

When the police were all gone, Vanessa turned to Charity, who had a smug smile on her face. “Did you call the police?”

“No, babe, I didn’t.” Charity looked taken aback that Vanessa would even think she had. ‘But that’s that problem taken care of. And it is nice to not be the one in handcuffs this time.” She grinned at Vanessa, who laughed and leaned in to Charity’s shoulder.

“It is nice.” Vanessa kissed Charity’s neck gently. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Lucky I’m here then, babe.”

**Author's Note:**

> please leave kudos and comments!


End file.
